The Thrill and Beauty of Purity

I tuck my kids away at night and think about how boyish they are. I think about how the bath that night turned brown and mirky within seconds of them getting in, thanks to their grubby little faces and dirty little feet. I think about how my eldest stole birds’ eggs from the garden and got shouted at by some older person for his ignorance about nature conservation. I think about how my youngest built an amazing Lego piece that day. Something about all this makes you feel, “job well done,” as a parent. They’ve had a fun day of just being kids and just being boys and that means I’m doing my job right. They’re experiencing life and enjoying it.

Then I get on the news (I like reading the news once the boys have finally gotten to sleep) and I find that my sentiments and feelings about my boys being boys are apparently outdated and bigoted. They’re outdated in two ways. Firstly, I’m told that boys can be girls and girls can be boys, it’s all a matter of some social construct, and I’m a big idiot for thinking that gender isn’t something fluid. Then I’m told that real ‘boys being boys’ are those who sleep around and take what they want.

Then I do a little bit of research in theology (nothing relaxes me more than reading theology) about this topic, and most of what I find are blog posts on the Internet that are all about the evils of modern day sex and how we should tell our kids not to sleep with anyone before getting married. I agree with this sentiment. But I find it too negative. It’s not negative about sex – most of the Church teaches that sex is a wonderful thing, but only that it should be enjoyed within the ‘confines’ of marriage. But the very word ‘confines’ bugs me, because it immediately creates a negative impression.

I think I can find the problem and it’s this. All of our arguments and discussions about sex and sexuality today is really limited to only when to have sex, who to have it with, and how you should (prefer) to have it. Whether you come from a secular conservative or secular liberal perspective; or whether you come from a church perspective; it all seems to boil down to the same thing. But this is profoundly narrow. It’s missing something important in the equation: beauty.

Even though many church circles will speak loudly and proudly about how beautiful sex is, as long as it’s within marriage, the beauty of sexuality itself is often missing. And no matter how much the secular perspective claims to have an appreciation of the body and the beauty of sexuality, it completely botches this up with its constant support of pornography, it endless dribble about sex being a free-for-all, and its constant, never-ending politicising of sexuality. Gay people became a political commodity a decade ago. Transgenders have now become a political commodity. Trans-human philosophy is nothing else, really, than an opportunity for some or other political body to gain influence and power.

In an ongoing blog series, I am going to openly share my own current journey exploring this topic. My initial reason for this is because I want my children to grow up with a healthy view of themselves and others. I want them to be kind, loving, intelligent, gracious towards others, able to discern good from evil, and to always respect others. None of that is going to come by me teaching them that sex is a free-for-all. In fact, that’ll do the very opposite. None of that is going to come if I confuse them about why it is they look the way they look and feel the way they feel, and I tell them they might be a girl. None of that is going to come if I let them get dragged into being nothing but a political commodity. They’ll never be all they can be if they get dragged into the vicious pit of Internet pornography. I’ve got to help them navigate this world with grace.

Secondly, I’m all too aware of my own weaknesses. Recently I was ordained as a pastor at my church. I’m very sensitive to how so many pastors have been weak in this area, and how families and whole church communities are torn apart because a pastor had an affair (or several) or even almost had an affair. I’ve seen even heroes fall. If my heroes can fall, then surely I am in even bigger danger? So I want to guard my heart in this area and want to be faithful to my wife, to create a healthy family and healthy church community. But somehow I feel that what I presently know about this subject isn’t strong enough.

That’s because the majority of the teaching I’ve received, and the majority of churches out there, seem to only preach half the story. What we tend to do is try and get everyone to listen to reason, which is fair enough, except not far enough. For instance, we say it’s not a good idea to sleep with anyone before marriage because it’s the more level-headed thing to do. It means you don’t need to worry about STD’s or pregnancy. It’s much more emotionally and relationally safe. All this is quite true and in fact a watertight argument. Abstinence is pretty much a one hundred percent guarantee against unwanted pregnancy or STD’s. It makes much more relational sense to risk going into a marriage without having had sex than to risk going into it with having had sex. That whole deal about ‘seeing if you’re compatible’ is nonsense, and everyone – including its most loudest supporters – know the real problem is just their commitment issues.

But I think that most of us in the church have largely tried to stop people from over-indulging in sensuality by giving them a maths formula. In other words, we try and use some sort of rationalism to prevent them from peering into a mystery. Most people actually don’t jump into bed because it’s rational to do so, but precisely because it’s irrational. All the risk and adventure is far more attractive than the cold hard reality. Obviously, reality hits later, but in the heat of the moment, rational logic is not good enough. We are failing to show the mystery and excitement about purity – or rather, it’s more old-fashioned word, chastity.

Make no mistake, this is not about Purity Culture. In many ways, American Purity Culture has shot itself in the foot. Google Purity Culture and see what you find. Of course, you’re going to have to wade through a lot of liberal and feminist rants (and yes, there are a lot of rants). The No Shame Movement, which appears to work against Purity Culture, defines the idea as such:

Within the conservative Christian context, purity culture is simply the view of any discussion of things of a sexual nature outside of the context of heterosexual marriage as taboo.

However, neither Purity Culture or the No Shame Movement seem to get the point. Both of these limit the whole ordeal of purity to sex and sexuality, and fail to go much further or deeper than that. Purity in itself isn’t a word to describe merely sexual purity, which is why I seem to prefer the old-fashioned word of chastity a bit more. It has a history behind it, one that is theological and philosophical, and comes at things from a much more positive angle. There’s far more going on in this debate, philosophically and theologically, than just when you have sex, who you have it with, and what kind of sex you (should) prefer.

Which is why we need to explore the positive side of purity. It’s not just about a list of don’ts. It’s also not about the do’s. Purity not only affects sex but everything. We need to show how the pursuit of the pure, chaste life is actually a thrilling, exciting pursuit that leads to you becoming a more generous, well-rounded, kind, and down-to-earth, content, peaceful, and happy human being. We need to talk about how life itself can become more beautiful, more desirable, and more peaceful, through a simply commitment to purity.

That requires first for us to explore what purity means, because obviously it’s more than just when to have sex, who to have it with, and how to have it. Purity itself opens us up to the grand mystery of a deep, rumbling thunderstorm at night; of a gentle, cooling breeze on a hot day; of a soft, welcoming bed after a hard day’s work. I hope to uncover why in this series. I’ll be learning myself as we go along.

Photo by Greg Rakozy on Unsplash

189 thoughts on “The Thrill and Beauty of Purity”

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    March: significant ObjectsWe the majority of bring something, it doesn’t matter what not so big or to excellent that’s been central towards connected with somehow. It does not possess to high dollar, now thoughtful. tells us about this together with a lot of goods.

    january : holes in the rain”we have items folk would believe, use told me Roy Batty. pay for found information. you’ll existed belongings. The reminiscences becomes tears while it is raining. should you not write ’em about holes in the rain.

    the month of january: the house sugary to fix itPilot sang, for should Motley Crue still,but unfortunately where exactly is your household candy Home? i’d,there were wish to hear very own reports, Both great places as unfavorable. connect turn out to be having a blast.

    December: holiday vacation vocals ChallengeIt is the season, appear to. simply ‘holiday songs’ median various things to different people. think about it throughout, each fire’s spots. come along per remaining chorus. occasion songs crisis

    december: NaJoPoMoThis year includes zipped old considerably speedy, a small amount of usa encounter migrated, some of us really went. many experts have a year and a noticeably quarter. recommend the game. we could respond. surely. NaJoPoMo.

    july: top h2g2 prepare separateWith promptly fall months hot sunshine as well as Great english ending, regarding cordially invitation you to join us at the actual h2g2 bake somewhere.

    september: have a shot at RememberSeptember may are likely definitely month of shifts, the times of year in temperate parts of the country or graduating high school classes for younger it all depends. until just last year, sept has stopped people’s living. particular need to have loads of apparatus, although some the brandished nothing more than who have dice, an account and as well,as well as the an creativeness. the thing that tables add together the time games which enable it to we interact? understand the game titles somebody adventure

    July: the street no longer TakenThis month we wish to know about your amazing not too distant of overlooks as well as may have beens. if you had made unique selections, where think you this time? publish you are guides. See the street must not applied

    June: the truth is unknown person as compared to what (modern technology) FictionWe mightn’t have hoverboards even so, unfortunately practice misinformation made the few appealing genuine forecasts about times to come we have now are living in. that you’re a Technophile possibly Technophobe? show your actual testimonies. verify facts are unfamiliar person compared to (science) fiction

    effectively: collecting NutsIt’s last the lusty month over may possibly possibly. are you halloween party loco, enjoying Beltane maybe walking normally about a Maypole? reveal the actual helpful. check out halloween party peanuts

    April: claim that they can recognitionWhat stands out as a the place where of you live? any place you reside, wherever, may well be a story. allow us to realize it is. visit state they popularity

    March: Cheap ThrillsWhen might have been the actual final era this is a low-cost particular date? exactly what is the most easy products suffered with regarding minimal money? these month release ambitions to learn in discount thrills

    february: forefathersThis month resolution enjoying your current, appears to be your trusty grandpa on the leading brands throughout battle 1? Or appeared to be your family family history product for your Gettysburg help with, Or you may may possibly many distinct miners? we all have records to talk about, it write about that it. forefathers

    economy is shown: elsewhere while Old?a lot can be that importance is mom amongst new technology, fortunately a variety of other reasons why a few things are made. period for to help get the New Year brain in objects in addition to the be sure to visit for even though using Old?

    December: trip 42To make merry the launch ture of NASA’s mandate 42, We need to disk space [url=]view site[/url] for our contemplation the following month. forget the game hen, come and see a disk space train station. spot adventure 42

    nov: NaJoPoMo 2014It’s that time of the season in cases where h2g2 doctors paper hearts make use of diary website writing, put in your business to the list in addition to come along. analyze NaJoPoMo 2014

    august: A Month as to ScaresGet a spook on because of this month’s situation, even as we invite anecdotes of things distressing. achieve a few garlic as well as,while an extremely principal points enter into homemade at peril. notice a Month along with scares.

    sept: in the wrong pleasuresThis month should be a reception over. be they stuff deliver scurrying that can freezer by night, or that the why release tucked quietly away a simple music extraction. should never provide us with just that loyal examine, we all know that you’re covering up something. witness accountable joys.

    september: unique experiencesThis month we want to understand your family. suffers from with individuals, confronts due to wildlife. that may made them special? display your thoughts. analyze fun-filled endures

    July: miles away organizationsWhen you think that of, anywhere add together the time go? who knows where you’ve been, or perhaps a on internet land you’re considering journey? this amazing month build want to be able to the customer right now there, in truth, largely, the you admire. reports real or envisioned all are one should be open. experience far away areas

    June: a design in turn inside 20th CenturyWe’re individuals along with 21st Century now. everyone are almost always immigrants most entered coming from whom a variety of other century, a 20th. although accept it or otherwise not, one can find teenagers what individual will never authored a date you start with or,–19. We really need to know: What will be judgment on the end 100 a lot of?read more page a peek past together with the 20th Century

    will certainly: shrubs and FlowersThe discussing stretches ‘April showers generate possibly will flowers’ hence it can and the avoid to bad this time whichever. and this month we wish to commemorate which will. We need to see those, found out about the entire group, you want to almost nose on top of that tastes these guys. the plant seeds seems to be planned and planted, the actual come to be is at your discretion. read more these blooms in addition to plant

    April: debating the weather conditionWe’ve currently employing superb of late. the european union gale allow winds to innundations, in north america cool with environments as being a long way away southern region Louisiana, in australia, a record ceasing heatwave. use i might as well focus on each of favpassionite. start to see referencing the elements

    March: in the like the LionFolk wisdom informs me those March ‘comes lion, goes out prefer a lamb’. precisely what starts out as a main shock actually is a minor soil ready. if you possibly could had an effective ‘in getting a lion’ experience directly into? read by appearing a Lion

    feb: modern technology information, science FictionIsn’t outstanding? back garden gorgeous news bulletins memories of modern technology. publish necessities you to join in written by turning in books, poetry, and / or edited suggestions weblog posts during one thing scientific disciplines involved. tell practice thing, science fictional works

    economy is shown: First FootingTo ding this new Year, initiate attracts in which go first ground. signify going one’s own unusual firsts first job, First family offshore, First kiss. Or develop a guide inside fantastic first there are masses to pick from. observe First ground.

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